In this article I want to talk about a very common issue that has a huge impact on our enjoyment of sex.
I’m talking about, premature ejaculation - cumming too quickly. This can put a huge dent into a man’s confidence and lead to them either avoiding sex or avoiding sex that they would actually enjoy, for example choosing to bottom when they would prefer to top because they fear they are only going to last for seconds.
When men cum too quickly, they often offer up a range of excuses, ‘I’m just really turned on by you,’ ‘I’m a really selfish lover, I just like to pound and cum.’ – Both of these, in a way, could be quite reasonable, if it weren’t for the fact that the it’s down to a lack of control which is causing the issue, not how turned on/selfish the top might be.
The Default State
It’s believed, by some people smarter than me, that cumming quickly is actually a man’s default state. When human’s first started having sex, way back when it was cool to live in a cave, (and I sometimes wish I lived in a cave, I’d just need great internet), there were many predators who would happily eat a couple having sex.
With that in mind, it makes sense that men should get hard, have sex and cum very quickly. You know, before a sabre-toothed tiger has them for lunch.
It’s worth noting that it’s not actually how long a guy takes to cum that’s the issue, or at least, the idea is not that lasting 5 minutes is good, 10 minutes is better, what a man actually needs is to develop control.
Ideally, a man wants to get to the point where he has enough control that he can enjoy whatever.
When I work with clients on this issue, and believe me it’s a very common issue (which would make sense as it’s a man’s default state), I use a multi-pronged approach.
Usually only two appointments are required.
There are two exercise-based elements which are explained in the first appointment and then there are parts of the session where I work with the client’s subconscious mind.
The subconscious mind is the super-powerful part of the brain that looks after our automatic processes.
For men who cum too quickly, the automatic process for ejaculation works against them, but by using conscious and subconscious techniques, this powerful part of the brain can be brought onside.
Edge and Squeeze technique
This is a tried and proven technique that works very well.
When you are masturbating, get to the stage when you feel that you’re just about to cum, on the 'edge' of cumming, though not too close. Then gently squeeze the end of your penis, as shown in the diagram, until your urge to cum passes.
Once the urge passes, carry on masturbating until you’re nearly ready to cum again and repeat the squeezing process. Repeat the edge and squeeze process four of five times.
This process teaches more and more control, plus it will help recognise when you're about to cum, so that you can ease off whatever you're doing during sex, or perhaps change positions etc.
Do this for a month, each time you masturbate; it’ll be worth the effort and very soon you’ll notice the improvement.
This technique can also be used when you’re with a partner. When you are getting close, change positions and as you change positions gently squeeze the end of your penis before you carry on.
There has been different condom options around for a while to help delay cumming, but these ones by Pasante can work very well. They are a good start while you are learning the and using the other techniques mentioned on this page.
A great way to work with the subconscious mind is to use affirmations.
By repeating our intentions several times a day, we start the process of sending a clear message to our subconscious that things need to change.
“You are a confident man and you have total control over when you cum”
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